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Eddie James
Anyone that's familiar with surfing the Santa Monica
Bay and the point
breaks further North has probably crossed paths
with Eddie James, this months Snake of the Month.
If you saw him sporting a cowboy hat, you might
confuse him for a descendant of Jesse James. Although
a common blood line is highly unlikely, there are
some striking similarities. Both have dark hair
and sharp features. Both are outlaws, so to speak,
and infamous for blatant breaches of etiquette.
They both live by their own set of rules and possess
a callous disregard for the laws of Western society.
Both know how to use a gun. Jesse-A smith and Wesson,
Eddie-A 7' 6" Merrick. They are both cold blooded,
calculated killers. The only difference is that
Jesse killed people and Eddie kills Surf sessions.
The truth be told, Eddie is certifiably handicapped
(no kidding), just look for the blue placard affixed
to his dashboard. The irony of the situation is
that as soon as he pulls up, he bounds out of the
rolling billboard he calls his car, and silently
slithers into his wetsuit. No indications of any
physical deficiency. But, when he peels off his
wetsuit you can see his mangled appendage. It's
tough to keep your breakfast burrito down after
getting a gander at that thing. For him to walk
on that leg, much less surf on it is a feat in itself.
You have to tip your hat to him.
Like many in a long list of atrocious nautical offenders,
Eddie is a hair
stylist (basically a barber with a manufactured
lisp and a penchant for
gossip). These so called "Stylists" stare
at the back of peoples heads for 6-8 hours a day.
Day after day, week after week, month after month....then
all of a sudden something snaps and they're never
quite the same again. For some twisted reason he
wants YOU, to look at the back of his freshly rogained
cranium. You can see it in his face, he derives
a tremendous amount of satisfaction each time this
wave theft is executed. He flashes a devilish grin
as he cascades down the shoulder of the wave (with
the guy behind him screaming at the top of his lungs).
If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that that
handicapped placard was issued for deafness!
One thing no one can question is his dedication
to surfing. Eddie is
passionate about riding waves and willing to sacrifice
most anything to get out there. Every morning he's
up well before the crack of dawn weaving his way
through a toy cluttered living room. If he can sneak
past his wife and 3 kids without them stirring,
he's off to the races. Eddie makes his daily trek
from the valley to whichever spot is breaking. He's
easy to spot heading your way; look for the ugly
green car with Eddie James Salon graphics plastered
over every inch of metal. You'll see him weaving
in an out of traffic in an effort to beat the sun
to the beach.
Once he gets there...LOOK OUT!
Eddie is a fun loving, gregarious guy and is easily
forgiven (for his
Oceanic indiscretions) by most. If you see him in
the line up give him a nod and a smile. Chances
are he'll smile back and engage you in some small
talk. He'll be your very best friend until a set
wave pops up on the horizon. As they say in the
business, it's very cut and dry!
story, animation and voices by MD
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