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GREG MAY
Greg Kealohaokauahi Napoleon May- His roots stem
from Hawaii and Ireland so through genetic affiliation
you would naturally assume he is a surfer and a
boozer. The truth be told he's never touched a drop
of liquor in his life and just began surfing regularly
last year at the age of 38.
Greg is a Mormon and due to his religious upbringing
has been forced to repress his primal urges and
temptations from the day he was born. This includes
but is not limited to- No smoking, drinking, cussing
(he calls them F-bombs) premarital sex, porn and
even (R) rated movies. I am in no way condoning
any of the activities I listed above but the majority
of the general public has at least experimented
with 2 or more. Many people could not picture a
life without them. There is a certain sense of risk
attached to partaking in these things. People love
to feel like they're Rebels (risk takers) and it
seems that the more dangerous or wrong it is, the
bigger the thrill. The bottom line is everyone likes
to be bad sometimes.
Greg is the nicest guy you'll ever meet. Warm, caring,
sincere, complimentary and wears a perpetual smile,
but even Greg the "model Mormon" has a
dirty little habit. Possibly not yet detected by
God and definitely not addressed in the book of
Mormon. Greg is a closet snake! When you actually
witness the cold calculated burn you will begin
to understand the mastery of his execution. He drags
his right knee across the deck, shifts his weight
forward and whoosh, he never looks back.
I have personally been victimized on several occasion's
and upon confronting him he plays the innocent role
as well as Jeff Bridges did in "The Jagged
Edge" (sorry Greg I just realized that's an
(R) rated movie). He'll throw out the old reliable,
"Oh were you behind me?" or the ego stroking,
"I can't believe you made that section, you
must have been flying". Along with a myriad
of excuses comes his trademark ear to ear grin (which
screams to be absolved) It's hard to get mad at
him. He's too nice, religious and seems so sincere.
"It must've been an accident, right? WRONG
I was conned for a long time before it finally hit
me. This is Greg's one outlet to defy convention
and be naughty. His wife will never know, he's not
stealing anything tangible so there's nothing to
hide and he can't be given a ticket or arrested.
It's the perfect sin- Untraceable but unforgivable.
Greg will never join you for a cold beer or be caught
with a pocket full of ones$ headed for the Wild
Goose but you can pretty much count on him taking
your wave. You can tell him to go to Hell, but he
won't, it's only snaking.
story and animation by Michael Durand
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