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JOHNNY NESLINE
Nessie-Monster or myth?
His name is Jonathan Nesline but he's better known
by his contemporaries as"Nessie". After
watching his antics over the past decade I've noticed
some striking similarities between him and the ever
elusive "Loch Ness" monster (coincidentally
nicknamed Nessie). Both are stealth creatures, both
possess reptilian characteristics, both are skilled
aquatic creatures, you almost never get a good look
at them and when you do, they disappear before you
have time to react. The big difference is countless
people have been trying to catch a glimpse of one
"Nessie" while countless others are hoping
they never see the other...EVER (in the water anyway).
Nessie has been surfing for 28 years. Honing his
skills at the now defunct Toes Jetty, Gillis, Dockweiler
and of course El Porto. Surfing the crowded jetties
(where the take-off spot is no bigger than a mini-van)
is where he perfected the "Deaf Whiplash Technique".
This entails a bit of acting but he has it down
to a science. You pretend you can't hear a thing
and are unable to look back due to an old neck injury.
If you don't look back and you can't hear, no one
exists behind you. Much like the old adage, If a
tree falls in the forrest...you get the picture.
Nessie is a great surfer, whether it be shortboard
or longboard, the guy can find the barrel. His skill
level has never been questioned but his lack of
etiquette has been the topic of many a parking lot
discussion. If his snaking wasn't bad enough in
the early years it's increased three fold since
the arrival of his 5 year old son, Luke. Now the
happy go lucky Nessie was forced to be a responsible
parent. This scenario afforded him only a small
window of opportunity to get in his daily surf/snake
session. The elapsed time is usually 30 to 40 minutes
but the burn ratio is extremely high. Instead of
having a long sip of Nessie you get a quick, nasty
tasting shot. A noticeable groan ripples through
the line-up when he's spotted stretching on the
shore. The only reason his antics are tolerated
at all is because everyone knows he only has a half-hour
to surf. The man has no conscience, not even Slater
would stand a chance against his 9Õ 2 Marcello
Longboard.
Don't get me wrong, Nessie is an affable fellow,
always smiling and joking. I would liken him to
a cross between Roger Moore and Curly from the Three
Stooges. He's got balls, surfs good and drives a
convertible, but there is something a bit wacky
about his demeanor. He is loud, makes strange noises
and is often observed talking or singing to himself
in the line-up. Now, this could all be a tactical
part of his snaking procedure but I can't say for
sure. If it's not, then he's just crazy and may
wind up with nothing more than a bad reputation
and a borrowed shopping cart in a few years.
By trade Nessie is a hair stylist and from what
I understand a very good one. Any of you guys out
there with significant others, have them book early
appointments say 8:00 am (earlier if possible) (310)
821.8012 (ask for Johnnie or Nessie). If enough
people book him he'll be out of commission altogether
making our ocean a nicer place to be. All kidding
aside, he's a good guy with a good heart, but a
seemingly untreatable problem (much like your funny
Uncle Dave that drinks too much). Hopefully some
day they'll find a cure for "Nessilitus",
but until that day comes we'll just have to deal
with it.
story and animation by Michael Durand
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